If you’re still selecting the details of your autumn wedding, we predict that you’ll be falling for some of these favor trends. This fall promises lots of favors with local and seasonal flavor, as well as guest gifts with purpose. Eco-friendly favors are here to stay, with even more options for green packaging. And focusing on the personal will help make your favors a “gift of yourself.”

Apple flavored favors from GCDSpa.com

Local Flavor
Edible favors are popular year-round, but harvest time offers unique opportunities to share the flavor of the season. Couples who select regional specialties have the added bonus of supporting local businesses. Consider cranberry wine for your Massachusetts nuptials, or maple candy for a Vermont wedding. If you’re having a destination event, check with the local Chamber of Commerce for other regional products that are in season.

The pear (however “perfect”) may have run its course as a popular theme, but the humble apple seems ready to take its place. The difficult choice is the confection selection:  do you candy, caramel, or chocolate-coat this most popular autumn fruit? Even unadorned, fresh apples have their place in the décor; colorful stacks in bowls or baskets will do double duty as centerpieces as well as favors.

Lavender Sachets from GCDSpa.com

Soy candles are also practical, multi-purpose guest gifts as they can serve as place cards on your reception tables.  These candles from The Grapeseed Company can also be used as massage candles, and who wouldn’t love the vanilla almond cinnamon scent at their autumn event? (They’re eco-friendly, too.)

Soy Candles from The GrapeSeed Company

Practical Purposes
This dual-purpose favor is only one example of how couples are being practical with favor choices. Especially as wedding budgets are tightening, couples hesitate to spend on items that will just be left on the tables. Decorated lip balm favors (try pumpkin pie flavor) can enhance your tablescape and aren’t likely to be tossed after the event. If the “toss-able” is desirable, remember that lavender buds now often replace rice in the traditional wedding toss. Share these anchorlavender fragrant buds in sachets and invite your guests to toss a little and take a little home.

Seed Paper @ Botanical Paperworks

Being Green
Speaking of eco-friendly, other “green” features are also in favor this fall. Think plantable: favor tags can incorporate seed paper, with herb seeds for an indoor, winter garden. Potted bulbs such as paper white or amaryllis provide gifts that bloom indoors in the late autumn months. You can also wrap it up green with eco-friendly favor packaging. With all of the options for bags, tags, and ribbons made of recycled, biodegradable, or compostable materials, it’s easy to be easy on the earth. We also love the idea of reusable favor packaging; canvas, jute, and sinamay organza are all components of eco-friendly bags and other packages for favors. Tie them up with natural raffia and you’re good to go!

Colorfully You
Jean Anouilh said, “Love is, above all, the gift of oneself.” The same could be said of your wedding favors. Whatever you choose for favors, make sure to use this opportunity to show your true colors (and we’re not just talking about the trendy Lipstick Red and Golden Glow of Pantone’s fall predictions). The increased popularity of do-it-yourself wedding sections on Queerly Wed and indie-focused websites like DIY Bride demonstrates that couples are interested in putting more of themselves into their big day.

Handmade Tags

Handmade tags, homemade jams, home-baked cookies, custom artwork and calligraphy—all are perfectly at home in this wedding favor trend. It’s not enough to have wedding details that are simply personalized; plan for the personal and your favors truly will be a gift of yourself.

Emily Caswell is the founder of GCDSpa.com, a wonderful online boutique where you can customize her line of beauty products to fit any occasions.

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The Wedding Central network has an expert team of wedding experts who are going to provide answers to your burning questions about your big day! Mark Ingram is their Gown Guru and is here this week to give us some advice on fashion:

QW:  What are some of the new trends that you are seeing in dresses for the next year?

MI: Texture & volume continues to be the trend in the couture bridal gown market. Intricate embroideries and threadwork add fabric interest. Less shiny bling, more matte beads & handwork. Ballgown skirt volume is created in lightweight tulles, organza & taffeta, not heavy weight satins.

Vera Wang, Oscar de la Renta & Carolina Herrera showed lots of color and patterns. Soft pinks, greens, blue & violet are the predominant shades for accents and all over color. Beautifully detailed V and off-the-shoulder neckline shapes also offer a nice alternative to strapless.

QW:  Do you have any suggestions for women who are looking for bridal suits? What are some tips when discussing this with a designer/store.

MI: A bridal suit should be in a luxurious structured fabric like satin, faille or taffeta. Choose a flattering neckline for the jacket that differs from a classic daytime look and that will allow you to wear a beautiful piece of jewelry at the neck or lapel. Choose a jacket and skirt/pant silhouette that is figure flattering. Jackets can be A-line, fitted, Empire waisted or loose fitting.  Keep the volume at either the jacket or the skirt, but not both.

QW:  Any advice for couples trying to find “their own style?” Are there any particular designers that you would recommend?

MI: Be true to yourself. Don’t be influenced into something that doesn’t feel right. A wedding is no time to experiment with radical new ideas.

There are many options for simple wedding attire that will allow a bride or groom to accessorize in their own personal style to create a truly unique look.

Do you have a question for the experts? Email us at celebrations@queerlywed.com with your question!

The Wedding Central experts are on the road, visiting cities across the US. Check out the schedule to see when they are coming to your town!

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The first booth I stopped at was My Little Yellow Bicycle. They had a adorable display featuring their new Cupcake Love line.

Next, I ventured over to the Prima booth where I absolutely fell in love with the beautiful mixed media art and other goodies available.  You can actually watch some live demos from the floor as well on Live With Prima.

If you are thinking about a Paris-style wedding, check out Pink Paislee’s new line of Paris themed products:

We’ll be back tomorrow with more goodies from the craft show. If you are in Chicago, you can join in on the fun this weekend at the CHA Super Craft Show! Make sure you visit one of these local retailers to pick up a coupon for the show.

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Recently, we found out about a wonderful organization called Wish Upon a Wedding. It’s a non-profit organization that helps provides the ability for terminally ill individuals a dream wedding.  We are especially love the fact that they are open to all couples, regardless of sexual orientation.

Next month they will be holding their first same-sex wedding in Washington, DC for Erwin and Ed. Read their story and we’ll bring you the highlights soon!

P. S.  Washington DC area wedding vendors: They are still looking for some assistance for the upcoming event. Check out the website for more details!

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Typically, weddings are a gathering of everyone special in your life to celebrate your union with the love of your life. It’s a time of joy for all involved. We who have planned weddings or who are about to embark upon this task know that there are many stickier parts of the day. One of those is deciding which family members to include in your ceremony and reception.

Traditionally, Dad walks the bride down the aisle and siblings are bridesmaids or groomsmen. By definition, same-sex ceremonies are not traditional. What if there is no bride? What if there is no groom? We just mess the whole thing up with our uniqueness! The truth is that we have to define how things are going to go because there is no “tradition” with our marriages. Just the same, your family will be thinking traditionally and will expect to be included somehow.

One of the best things you can do is keep tradition in mind and understand that your family has expectations. This doesn’t mean you have to give in to tradition. Just be aware that your sister may expect to be in your bridal party. If you choose to not have certain members of your family involved in such an integral way, let them down easy. Perhaps you can offer them another role in your big day. My wife and I chose to have our closest friends in our bridal party and our siblings hold the chuppah. Our sister-in-law helped us out so much in the preparation of our event that we wanted to include her somehow in our ceremony. We asked her to do one of the readings. We also didn’t do the whole “dad gives away the bride” thing. It seemed a bit too patriarchal for our tastes. Besides, I didn’t have a dad to give me away. Both my wife’s parents walked her down the aisle and I had my mom and step-mom walking me down.

Remember that it’s YOUR day, but bear in mind it is a special day for everyone else as well. Be conscientious when delegating roles, but have fun with it! Of course there is always the option of eloping…

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Happy Monday! Did you have a good weekend? We have some fun links and great offers for you today:

• We were honored to be mentioned by the New York Times in an article about the new same-sex wedding magazine, Equally Wed
• Did you catch our post last week about scrapbooking your wedding? Scrapblog has now offered our readers a great discount!
• Need inspiration for your shower? Check out this look from Style Me Pretty
• Here’s another one on One Wed today, courtesy of Recycled Bride

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Welcome to part two of our wedding story with Jeanna & Kate. Check out part one if you missed it!

March 12, 2010.
The day of the wedding was here, we were up by 3am, showered and out the door with our fancy clothes nice and pressed by 4:30am.  We arrived at Metropolitan Community Church to board the bus with sixteen other couples and wait on pins and needles for my flowers to arrive. The florist was meeting us there that early!  Kate’s mom and aunt accompanied us on this trip to Iowa and were more excited than anyone else on the bus I think.  No one from my family came as they were not as supportive as we’d have liked but her mom and aunt made up for that tenfold!

While we waited that chilly morning we started talking to some of the other couples, one couple had been together thirty-two years! This was their advice to us. “Girls! Thirty years is easy, it’s the first five that are hard.” We thought that was pretty good advice! Well, the bus rolled in on time and we started filling up the cargo space with everyone’s bags, clothes and coolers of goodies.

The florist arrived right behind the bus and wow my flowers were a hit! Everyone wanted pictures of them!  We hurriedly placed them in a cooler and took our seats on the bus. We were told this was to be the most documented trip to Iowa that Show Me No Hate have taken so far, photographers from a local university, a local well known playwright (Joan Lipkin, who was documenting for a play about the marriage bus) and the Vital Voice magazine were there! It was like paparazzi!

After a long drive, we arrived in Iowa. We got our license from the county courthouse and then changed clothes at the church. I can’t begin to explain the way it felt, everything from happiness to excitement to joy to impatiently waiting our turn in the church. The emotions were swirling and so were everyone’s tears. We watched several couples go before it was our turn. We watched couples break glasses for Jewish ceremonies, we watched as one couple sang their vows and we watched the wonderful couple that had been together thirty-two years tie the knot as well.  When everyone had taken their moment at the front of the church, we boarded the bus for an Iowa reception. The food was amazing but there was still one thing we wanted: Iowa souvenirs! We asked a worker at the restaurant for directions took off; we only had about twenty minutes to find the place and get back to board the bus! Finding the shop wasn’t easy but we did it, and we bought Iowa sweatshirts for ourselves and Kate’s mom and aunt as well. Back to the bus for a tiresome but peaceful and happy ride home. Half the battle was over. We arrived back in St. Louis around 11pm and stumbled to our cars. We had to be up early to get things ready for our reception here and the decorations were not finished!

March 13, Noon
We are at the clubhouse, the cake is late, the food is on the burners, the music isn’t working and the decorations aren’t done! I would tell everyone not to wait til the last minute when it comes to decorations and music! It was almost a disaster. I sat calmly hot gluing tiny stars and sparkly beaded strands to tree branches while Kate tried to get the music flowing.  But, guests were arriving! In the middle of it all, the cake arrived but I had strings of hot glue everywhere and could not even get up to go see it!

After it was all said and done, rainbow cake eaten (yes rainbow on the inside!), music playing and centerpieces complete we could relax and bask in the glow of many happy friends and family members. It was a time we’ll never forget and if we had it all to do over again, we might plan our reception for a week or two after the trip to Iowa!

Marriage Equality Bus with Show Me No Hate
Decorations: Etsy &  Ian’s Café
Florist: D-Fleur

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Over the next month, we will be highlighting couples who have traveled to get legally married. Our first couple was part of a group who traveled to Iowa in a Show Me No Hate Marriage Equality Bus. Please help us congratulate Jeanna & Kate!

Kate and I met for the first time about four years ago at a friend’s birthday party, then a year after that we met again while walking dogs, and a few months later we were discussing leaving our houses and moving in together.

A year and a half later we went to see a play called “Beyond Stonewall: Why We March” and Ed Reggi from the group “Show Me No Hate” spoke about an upcoming trip to Washington DC (for the National Equality March.) Kate took one look at me and knew that I was going to beg to be a part of something amazing. After the play we approached Ed, and signed up for the march.

October 10, 2009.
The whirlwind trip to DC was more than we’d hoped for. It was an experience we will never forget, carrying a humongous rainbow flag in front of the White House! On the way home, we watched a documentary about the marriage bus that Show Me No Hate provides to Iowa a couple times a year. It was touching and comforting to know that we had a place to go if we wanted to. A little while after that (it was a 12 hour bus ride,) Kate took my hands in hers and proposed. Excitedly, we planned to take the next Marriage Equality Bus with Show Me No Hate, on March 12, 2010.

The date was coming up quickly and along with planning our marriage trip to Iowa, we were also planning a reception at home. The first thing I did was find a florist for the perfect flowers. Meanwhile, Kate was searching the city, desperate for a suit jacket that would fit her small shoulders and didn’t look too feminine at the same time. No bows or fancy buttons and definitely, no floral!

Kate’s mother and aunts prepared the food together for our reception. This was a must because securing a caterer to tend to Kate’s allergies was going to be way out of our budget.  Not only did we need vegetarian food, but all of it had to be gluten free due to her having Celiac Disease. On top of that our wedding cake needed to be gluten free as well, so we had to scour the city and even some neighboring cities to find a bakery that could do it and also would be comfortable doing a cake for a gay wedding. We were in luck! We stumbled on Beck’s Gluten Free, a bakery devoted to gluten free goods. As it turns out, the owner named the store after her sister’s girlfriend Beck, who has Celiac Disease. Wow! How did we get so lucky in finding a bakery that was gluten free and gay friendly!?

Next on the list, a reception hall. . . Since we were having problems with a caterer, we knew we’d have problems with the chefs at a hall and their limited selections of foods for parties. Instead we opted for a condominium clubhouse which turned out to be the perfect size for what we needed.

How did we forget rings? Well, we didn’t, we ordered a set off of the Love and Pride website but when we put them together with the engagement ring, which was Kate’s grandmother’s solitaire, the color was all off. Now what? Off we went, searching jewelry stores, malls and online shops. Finally settling on plain bands with “Luv u 2 the moon & back” engraved inside them (which was something we started saying to each other.) We sat back to relax, only to realize we still needed invitations and decorations.

I designed our invitations and it was a breeze getting them printed. For our decorations I took the trusty laptop, and headed off to Etsy land. I love Etsy. I highly recommend it to anyone looking for anything handmade, vintage or decorative.  I purchased my jewelry, my hair ribbon, some of our decorations and our cake topper (made to look just like us from the store, Ian’s Café) from the website. We also bought the cutest little table mints for all of our guests!

Join us tomorrow for part two of Jeanna & Kate’s story

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Jessica Sprague

Kitschy Designs

The website is geared for beginners through experts  and has many resources to help you create your memories online. Their online store has tutorials, templates, and fun digital products by several different designers including Jessica Sprague herself.  I especially love the DIY aesthetic in the vintage photo frames from Kitschy Designs.

Scrapblog

Our Wedding

If the thought of spending the time to learn a photo editing program makes your skin crawl, then Scrapblog is probably best for you. It’s an easy to use system that allows you to upload photos, or choose from various photo website (I used my Flickr account) and create your own digital masterpieces. They also launched a new wedding section which will not only help you put together your memories, they have tools to help you plan your event too!

Scrapblog Special Offer

Scrapblog has offered a special discount to our readers!

• 20% off a new Scrapblog Keepsake book and/or 20% off our new 5×7 invitation cards*.
• Use the code  QueerlyWed20 at checkout

*limits to 1 Scrapblog Keepsake book and/or 500 5×7 invitation cards. Good until 10/15/2010

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written by Rachel Deitsch of New World Ketubah

The beautiful tradition of signing a ketubah in the wedding ceremony is centuries old and until recently was only practiced by Jewish couples. In the time I’ve been making and selling ketubahs, I’ve seen the custom adopted by couples who are drawn to the idea of having their vows written, witnessed and signed, preferably in a beautiful piece of art. Most every ketubah customer is a first-timer, Jewish or not, and there are many variables to think about. I’ve broken this guide into chewable chunks for easier digestion- but please wait an hour before swimming…

Ketubah Artwork

How do you find the right ketubah design for you?

There is a traditional visual vocabulary in ketubah art that you will become familiar with as you explore different artists’ work. They are generally fairly easily interpreted- plants, trees, fruit and flowers for growth and fertility; birds are blessings, as is water. I also use a few non-traditional motifs- ladders speak of aspirations, cottages of the home you build together.  As you poke around you’ll find the style and image you really connect to.

Deciding on the right ketubah design an extremely personal process- it’s the one factor that will depend solely on your own taste and gut. There are so many styles of ketubah- from formal and florid to minimal and modern- that is something you as a couple will have to choose.

I’ve found that couples look for something in the design that speaks to their story. That is a very exciting part of the ketubah business- when something I’ve made has an entirely new meaning for the person choosing it.

Custom artwork

Commissioning a custom ketubah can be a very expensive proposition.  Some artists specialize in custom ketubot, but most sell prints of existing work.  Keep in mind that commissioning a ketubah is like commissioning any other artwork- it’s expensive and you are not 100% in control of the end product. Of course, that can be very exciting and gratifying- knowing you have the only one of its kind in the world, but be prepared to give up some control and to trust the artist.

If you like an artist’s style, one option to consider is asking if an existing design can be modified.   I don’t generally accept commissions for custom work, but I always try and figure out a solution to a clients’ request. We creative types can be surprisingly, well, creative- so ask!

Where to buy?

You can find just about every ketubah artist and style imaginable online. Most ketubah artists will sell both through an online ketubah reseller- a site that carries many artists- and their own personal site.  There are good reasons to go either way- with a reseller you have a variety of artists right in front of you. An artist’s site will get you in touch with the person actually making your ketubah, so if you have a special request, it can be more easily accommodated. Most web sites will offer to send a free paper-print sample so you can feel the weight of the paper and see the true color before you buy- if you don’t see that offer- just ask.

Ketubah Texts

This is where it can get tricky for a lot of people. The design you choose of course says a lot about you as a couple, but the text literally spells it out, doesn’t it? It can be daunting to choose the right words to express what you are thinking and feeling.

Each ketubah artists will have proprietary texts they have either written or commissioned. There are a whole range from the standard traditional Aramaic -which is used pretty much only by the very religious or couples being married by an Orthodox rabbi- to totally secular, non-denominational, interfaith and lots in between.

One thing to keep in mind is you might find a text you like from one artist and artwork you love from another. Most ketubah sellers, especially if asked nicely, will allow their text to be used in another’s artwork for one-time use.

Also, if you are working directly with the artist, he or she will generally be open to tweaking their text.  For instance, one of my popular texts refers to future children. Some couples know that this is not their plan and I’m happy to remove the sentence- no worries.

Most modern texts either already have a same-sex option, or can easily be adapted. If you are using one that includes Hebrew, you’ll want to be sure the genders have been correctly indicated, since in Hebrew, nouns are gender-specific.

I recommend reading through a wide sample to get a sense of what really resonates with you. As you read through them, you’ll likely be inspired to discussions about what your expectations and hopes are for your marriage. It’s a really wonderful exercise! To me, that’s really the point of these texts- to make those conversations happen.  The beauty of the ketubah is that it’s there every day to remind you of your intentions in your marriage.

Custom texts

If you are blessed with a way with words and want to write your own, it’s a great way to go.  Ask the ketubah seller or artist about the parameters for custom texts. There’s generally a word count limit. I offer a translation service as do most other ketubah sellers, if you want your text in both Hebrew and English. I’ve done Spanish, Norwegian and Chinese as well- so always ask if you have a special circumstance!

Personalizing your ketubah

When you order your ketubah you’ll have the option of personalizing, filling it in.  That means your personal information- the wedding date, your and your parents’ names, the place of the ceremony will be incorporated into the text.  Some artists who are also calligraphers do this by hand on a pre-printed ketubah. I don’t calligraph (is that a word?) so I lay out the texts to order, then print everything- text and artwork- together. I like this approach because the whole text is laid out to fit perfectly in the space.

If you are personalizing, every ketubah seller has a form to fill out.  It’s simply the names, date and place of the wedding. You are asked for your full name, Jewish name, if you have one, and your parents’ first names.

Here are some issues that come up regarding the personalization info, particularly if your text is also in Hebrew-

If you do not have a Jewish (Hebrew) name, what do you fill in?

If there’s no Hebrew name, I will transliterate the English name. I never make up a Hebrew name for someone- there is really no standard parallel between English and Hebrew names, although some, like David or Rachel would seem obvious. I never assume or presume.

Do you need your parents’ FULL Hebrew name (including THEIR parents’ names, i.e.  Rachel ‘bat’ Sara)?

No- that is only for the couple- the parents are just called by first names in Hebrew, and in English generally first and last.

What if for personal reasons I do not wish to include my parents in the ketubah?

Like everything else here- it’s your choice.

Why am I being asked about my ‘tribe’?

If either of the couple’s fathers is a Levite or Cohen- something your rabbi would most likely know- then it is mentioned in the ketubah as part of their Hebrew names.

You don’t have to know the Hebrew spelling for place names or the Jewish calendar date of your wedding- that is all part of the fill-in service.

Getting from here to there

Here’s where I can’t really speak for anyone but myself, but I’m happy to clue you in to my methods- I imagine others work pretty much the same way. I generally tell folks to allow about 4 weeks from order to delivery, but I’ve done a fully personalized ketubah in much less time. It’s mostly for your own peace of mind to leave plenty of time.  Once you’ve settled on where you’re going to buy your ketubah and what the text will be, you’ll get your information form from the seller or artist. Many couples ask their rabbi to help with this. When you send it in, I use the form to fill out the text in Hebrew and English and send you a pdf to approve. It’s a good idea to run this past your rabbi or officiant. When any changes or corrections are made and the text is approved, I lay it out in the artwork and print.

Like I said before, most customers are ketubah newbies, so it’s always appropriate to ask a lot of questions.  I am happy to respond to any question or issue not covered here.

Rachel Deitsch is the owner of New World Ketubah. She offers custom ketubahs (wedding vow art), invitations and wedding gifts.

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