Amantha May is a belly dancer in the New York City area.
She also teaches belly dancing.

How long have you been in business? I’ve been dancing professionally for 5 years, studying the dance for 10.

Do you specialize in any particular area? I dance with many of the classic props – veil, finger cymbals, sword, candle tray. Dancing with the tray or sword upon my head are big crowd pleasers. I am also very good at working the room, getting people involved, spreading the joy of the dance.

What is the best part about doing what you do? It’s fun, it makes me feel strong, beautiful and alive. I love to share those feelings with the audience.

Have you ever worked with a same-sex couple? Not for a wedding but I have performed at queer events.

Why or why not? No one has asked me – yet! There are still some very old attitudes out there about belly dance. It is not just for men and it is certainly not just for straight people. Belly dance is about celebration, through movement and music, of life and love. It is a universal art form.

Why should couples hire a belly dancer for their reception? A belly dancer takes the festive atmosphere to another level. She will not only entertain but will also get the wedding party and the guests involved, by interacting with them and encouraging them to dance as well. When people move to the music they cannot help but feel good, and watching others experience that joy is uplifting.

What makes a great belly dancer? A great belly dancer loves what she does and is able to share that love with her audience. She dances for herself but also everyone in the room. A professional has good physical skills, but its her ability to convey emotion that makes her show into a real experience.

Is there any one wedding/ ceremony/ reception/couple that sticks in your mind? I performed at a wedding that was outdoors, around a huge bonfire. It was a kind of primal experience of dance as a form of community.

Do you have any advice on choosing a belly dancer? Do an interview, at least on the phone if you can’t meet in person. Ask her to describe her show, her costumes, her music. If you have any ideas, share them and see how she responds. In the end trust your instinct – if she doesn’t seem like what you are looking for, she probably isn’t the right dancer for your wedding.

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Names: Crystal Alburger, Christina Czuhajewski

How did you meet? We met during our senior year of high school, while we were visiting Beloit College as prospective students. I thought she was rude; she thought I was a weirdo. Nine months later, we had become best friends and were falling in love.

Who proposed? How? We proposed to each other on our third anniversary.

How long have you been together? Four and a half years.

When was your celebration? Our wedding was on August 6, 2009.

What is the best/worst piece of advice you have received from friends and/or family?

We had our wedding and our reception at the Marin Art & Garden Center. It is a beautiful venue and I would highly recommend it. I would also recommend our photographers John Wayrynen and Joey Shemuel, and our videographer Tom Voigt. They did an excellent job.

You  might also be interested to know that I’ve been writing a letter to the president for marriage equality every day since our wedding, and plan to continue doing so until same-sex marriages are legally recognized nationwide. I’m posting my letters on my blog: http://thelovelettersproject.wordpress.com/

Thanks for giving us the chance to share our experience!

Photo credit: The photo of us walking down the aisle and the one of us embracing after “I do” were taken by Christina’s brother, Jason Lee. The one of us with cake on our faces was taken by my maid of honor, Ngoc Tran.

Are you recently engaged, or married? Would you like to share your story in Queerly Wed? Email us for more information!

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My girlfriend lives in another city about 4 hours from me. She moved there 6 years ago for her first lesbian relationship with a woman 19 years older. Her grandparents that raised her have passed away and her parents aren’t in the picture at all. Her relationship with her sister is very weak. We’ve been having a hard time because I feel she is having a hard time getting over her ex. The distance has affected us because her ex lives in the same city as her. Now, she’s lost her job! Since she’s from my city, I feel she should move back here because she has no reason to stay there. She says she’s in love with me, but I feel her panic and fear when it comes to opening up to me. She avoids, omits information and changes the subject when we try to talk about feelings. She runs away from me when I feel she should just lean on me. That’s the way it should be.

Thanks, Nana!
Carol

Dear Carol,

Oh, dear G-D, I thought your question would never end! I don’t even see a question! Look, your “girlfriend” is obviously not ready for a relationship with you. If she’s got “no reason” to stay in the other city and she stays there, THAT’s your answer! It sounds to me like you are trying to force a certain level of relationship when one of you is clearly not ready. Move on!

My aunt Hazel had a similar situation. She was courting a man in another city and he was resisting her desires to move to the next level of relationship. She pushed and pushed and he eventually gave in and married her. They were divorced within the first year. It turns out he was gay, but that’s another story. Oy!

Dear girl, you will find someone, someday, who will love you in the same way you love her and it won’t feel forced. It won’t feel like you’re pushing and she’s resisting. The general rule is: if you encounter resistance, the person isn’t ready for the next level so quit pushing. If you continue to push, you may lose her. If you really care about this woman, you need to stay where she’s at emotionally and take it at her pace.

That’s all. I have to go take an aspirin. Your “question” gave me a hell of a headache!

–Nana

Nana is an 85 year old Jewish grandmother living in a nice, comfortable retirement community in New Jersey. She is currently the reigning state champion of Mah Jong for the 8th year in a row. She loves peace and quiet and loves to share her opinion whether you want to hear it or not.

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Congratulations Washington, DC!

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Are you interested?  Email us at Celebrations@QueerlyWed.com

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The two couples below are entered in Crate and Barrel’s Ultimate Wedding Contest. One couple will win $100,000 and the assistance of celebrity wedding planner, Jo Gartin, to plan their big day. We bring this to your attention because not only would it be great to see them winning the grand prize, but we feel that this is a wonderful way to promote marriage equality on a mainstream website like Crate and Barrel.

Emily and Rachel:

Emily and Rachel are an adorable couple, currently living in the Pacific Northwest.

After voting for them, make sure you visit After Ellen to read more about their contest journey in Emily’s blog, Styled Out.

Mikey and Earl:

We received the following email from Mikey about their entry into the contest:

On Valentine’s Day, I proposed to my boyfriend Earl via this article on the NYC budget-living LifeStyler. He said yes – and we’re extremely excited about starting our life together as a happily married couple.

Anyway, now that the proposal is history, we’re continuing our assault on social media by throwing our hats into Crate & Barrel’s Ultimate Wedding contest. You can read all about our dream wedding plans here

Here’s the best part – we don’t necessarily want to win the top prize. Although it would be absolutely amazing, there’s a couple in the top spot right now that we think deserves to win this contest more than us. The groom has cancer, and what better way to give him and his fiancee the happiness they deserve than to win this contest.

That’s not to say that we don’t want to win at all. There’s are 19 other fabulous prizes that’ll give us a good start to our new life together – and help furnish the condo we’re in process of buying in Manhattan. If we do happen to win the top prize, though, we vow – if Crate & Barrel will allow it – to split the prize with the aforementioned couple. We’d really like to see them have their dream wedding, too.

UPDATE! Another couple contacted us today about their entry. Check out Gregory and Jonathan!

Good luck to all!

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I’m a photographer.  I have been since I was a little girl in the 60s, with the Instamatic with the cool flash cubes that spun around each time you shot a picture.  I chose this profession because I have wanted to express myself artfully my whole life, and this was where I got the biggest reaction.  (Selfish, huh?) I have been a professional for almost 25 years.

The best part of doing what I do is stopping time.  I have the best memories of life….my first sweetheart, the day we brought my first puppy home….the kids in the alley crouched around a box of assorted chocolates one of them had stolen from his mothers’ dresser…I have no pictures of these things, though.  I married this first sweetheart 30 years later.  What would I give for a picture of us together on my porch swing as 11 year olds?  THE WORLD.  This is what I do.  I watch, and I document.  It’s not the family all standing together in their best posture poses. Although I’m pretty good at that too, it’s NOT what makes me happy.  It’s the two 85 year old grandmas whispering to each other during the ceremony, or the grandpa up at the bar ordering along side his 5 year old grandson, the new daddy on the dance floor with his little pink bundle of joy as if they were the only two on earth…. or the shoes kicked off on the side of the dance floor during the cha-cha slide.  Real life stilled in a beautiful way.

I have worked with several same sex couples.  The last one was a woman who had emerged from a traditional, unhappy marriage and met the love of her life in her new wife.  What fun planning this event, and what a touching day it was for everyone there.  Her ex had kept her kids from attending, so they kept them in their thoughts, and represented them in various ways during that day.  I love the heightened emotions of a wedding day anyway, but with a same sex couple, it is almost MORE heightened since this is not something they thought would be possible for them as children, and something with which there has been some degree of struggle to achieve.

Why should a couple hire a photographer?….see paragraph 2.  I, friend, will get the “cheese” moments, and good for them.  They need more than that in years to come.  I am not a participant in the day– I am the professional observer. It’s needed.

The most memorable ceremony was one that mentioned the couple’s love of “The Christmas Story” (the movie), and the correlations to life: lessons one learns from sticking your tongue to the frozen poll, etc.  Everyone giggled through the whole thing.  The reception was the same way.  The day was fun, from beginning to end in a most personal and intimate way.

What makes a great wedding photographer?  Rapport, experience with LOTS of venues, cultures and types of people, and attention to detail.   Not the “I Do” details, but the nuances between a couple, the interest in the background of the couple to be able to be the best storyteller possible, the interest in what the little wedding favor SAYS, not just how it looks.  The experience cannot be overstated.  I have been doing this professionally for over 20 years, and it is ALWAYS SOMETHING.  Something breaks, it’s darker than the usual venue, the gowns reflect in an odd way, the mother wants all the formals in the ugliest part of the building, dad has a huge scar….it is ALWAYS something, and there is NO excuse, and no redo….it’s game day every Saturday, and they better bring it!

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How do you deal with a parent who gives you grief about your sexual orientation?

–Hurting in Louisiana

Dear Hurting,

Let me ask you this: Are you going to change your sexual orientation if your parents don’t like it? I’m guessing that the answer is no. I would hope that is the case. Just tell them that’s who you are and if they can’t deal, they can go to hell. End of story.

Look, it’s not the same, but when I brought my husband home to meet my parents, they didn’t like him. I have no idea why. He was so charming, intelligent and funny that day—of course he was like that every day, may he rest in peace. My mother came around, but you know fathers don’t want to lose their little girls. What kind of sickness is in that, I don’t want to know. But anyway, my father didn’t like my then boyfriend at all. Even after we were married, there was tension in the room whenever they were together. Finally, I told him, I says “Daddy, this is the man I’m going to be with for the rest of my life. If you can’t deal with it, you can go to hell. You have to come around or you won’t see us again.” That was such a strong statement in those days. You didn’t just cut off your family. But my father apparently thought about it and fixed his attitude almost immediately.

You see, your parents are probably like most in that they love you and worry about your happiness. Tell them you’re happy and expect them to fix their attitude. It really is that simple…

Love,

Nana

Nana is an 85 year old Jewish grandmother living in a nice, comfortable retirement community in New Jersey. She is currently the reigning state champion of Mah Jong for the 8th year in a row. She loves peace and quiet and loves to share her opinion whether you want to hear it or not.

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Planning a spring or summer wedding? We’re just in time! Your wedding favor choices always depend on several things—the time of year, the theme (if you choose one), your color scheme, the location (seaside, garden, park, backyard, hotel, etc.) and, of course, your own personal style, both as an individual and as a couple. Are you into upscale elegance or something more laid back and informal?  Once you’ve made those decisions, it’s time to begin your search for the perfect favor.

You can be fairly confident that, once you’ve made the major decisions—season, location, theme, color scheme and style—you will find a favor that fits perfectly. In fact, you’ll probably find several you love and will have to narrow it down to one or two (mixing and matching is a growing trend.) Most wedding favor sites categorize their favors a number of ways: by season, by style (elegant, whimsical, practical,) by type (candles, place card holders, edible,) by color, by theme (Asian, Eastern, beach, Italian, garden, Las Vegas, golf, wine, etc.) and even by price, so you can be more targeted in your search.

People love edible favors and practical favors. Lots of place card holders are also terrific photo holders when guests take them home, so they have twice the value. Bottle stoppers, coasters, photo frames, luggage tags, photo albums, bookmarks and salt-and-pepper shakers like the “Cocktails, Anyone?” Martini Glass shakers on the right are among guest favorites.

Let’s take a look at some of the spring and summer favors on the market these days. You can be among the first to heat things up with just-launched wedding favors from top-tier designer Kate Aspen.  There’s a little something for everyone this year, and I’ve also included a few of last year’s hottest favors because they’re, well, so cool!

French cuisine. French wine. French fries. (Okay, maybe that last one not so much.) But it’s true, French culture does intrigue and influence American design, and wedding favors are no exception. Three new French-themed favors for 2010 are the “Evening in Paris” Eiffel Tower Place Card Holder, the “Fleur-de-Lis” Photo Coasters and the “Fleur-de-Lis” Tea Light Holder.

The “Fleur-de-Lis” favors are part of a collection that also includes a chrome bottle stopper and place card holders so you can mix and match. Any one of these would be perfect for a “Springtime in Paris” reception theme.

If you’re an environmentally conscious couple, you’ll appreciate these two new eco-friendly favors. One of my personal favorites is the “Write from My Heart” Eco-Friendly Notepad and Pencil (left,) made from all recycled materials, as is the “Natural Impressions” Photo Album on the right. Other eco-friendly favors include seed packets, plantables (a paper favor in a specific design, like a heart or a flower, with embedded wildflower or herb seeds) and favors made from bamboo, like coasters and place card holders.

These new drink mixes totally rock! Not only are the single-serve drink mixes delicious, the stand-out packaging will give your reception tables a festive spring or summer look! From left to right, we’ve got “Main Squeeze” Lemonade Mix, “Razzle Dazzle” Raspberry Iced Tea Mix and “Mix and Mingle” Key Lime Margarita Mix. These drink mixes, as well as many other favors, can be personalized with a sticker or a tag, which is always a nice touch. Personalization includes your names and wedding date.

I haven’t forgotten about your beach wedding! Kick back, relax and take a look at these—first, a “Flip-Flop” Luggage Tag, followed by the Adirondack Chair Tea Light and Place Card Holder and the “Palm Tree” Favor Box.

When you begin the search for wedding favors, you might be overwhelmed by the sheer number of choices you’ll have. That may be where your budget comes in. Shop around. Lots of favor sites have a low-price guarantee, which usually means that if you find the same exact favor at a cheaper price on another site, they’ll charge you the cheaper price.

Are wedding favors essential? As far as I’m concerned, they are. Favors add sparkle to your table décor and, more importantly, they thank your guests for sharing in your once-in-a-lifetime day. By the way, Congratulations!

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Submit your proposal story, and readers across the country will have the chance to vote and pick the best story!

Come on over and enter!

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