Dialing Down the Drama – Part 2
December 10, 2009 by Kiki
Filed under Tips 'n Tricks
Dear Reader:
When last we spoke, we were discussing the paradox that many weddings and commitment ceremonies start out as happy events, but often deteriorate into stress clusters and mine fields of emotional issues. Here’s some MORE ways to keep the experience positive and happy, while dialing down the drama:
Problem #5: I am NOT camera ready! I just don’t look the way I want to for one the most important days of my life. I’m going to go hide under the bed now!
OK, take a deep breath. There may have been life-long issues you’ve been fighting before this, and now there’s even more pressure to resolve them. After all, there’s going to be a lot of people looking at you, and you’ll be having your picture taken. Certainly the photos will be looked at again and again throughout the years. Ahhhh!!! There it is: that overwhelming feeling. Luckily, there are services out there now that not only address these issues (weight loss, make over’s, dental work), but now address them specifically for the bride and groom. Dig into a recent issue of a bridal magazine or wedding website: boot-camps, bridal smiles and whitening, dance lessons are just a few of the specific services out there to help you. A planner can also certainly point you in the right direction of a service provider that is tried and true. Still bummin’? This might be the perfect time to finally enlist the help of a counselor or therapist. There’s a lot of pressure swirling around you. They can help you put it in perspective.
Problem #6: I want to get married but I don’t want all this Cinderella type attention hoisted on me! It makes me feel sort of exposed, like all the sincerity has been squeezed out of the wedding. The more I try to shrug that type of attention off, the more my mom (or aunt or best friend) keeps dumping it on me. How can I maintain my social graces, but opt out of this ridiculous beauty pageant?
This issue is SO in need of a national (yes, I said national!) discussion. Not everyone wants to be princess for a day! (Are you hearing this, all you pushers of tiaras and white swag?). Not only can the wedding “props” be embarrassing or distracting, but even the way weddings are staged can be unnecessarily anxiety producing. Is it absolutely necessary for the bride and groom to walk down the aisle to that ominous wedding march? Is a must for the groom not to see the bride before the ceremony? (Particularly in a gay wedding – does one person assume that role?) The best antidote for this type of stress is to keep the ceremony as informal as possible. The more casual the atmosphere, the less stiff you’ll feel. If the event feels like a Broadway production and you’re worried about flubbing your lines, something needs to be scaled back.
Problem #7: I’m worried that people will be bored at my wedding. I want it to be a fun, cool event. Not that I care that anyone’s impressed…but I want them to be impressed!
You’re probably doing what you can to develop a unique aspect for your big day, be it a funky cotton candy dessert or Charleston lessons during the reception. If you’ve made some effort to make sure guests have a good time, you could be worrying yourself unnecessarily. Try to relax. If you’re having a good time everyone else will, too. Have a cocktail right before the ceremony. When you’re nervous, one martini can do wonders. Still uptight? Just focus on the people who are there because they love and support you. Those very real connections will see you through and keep you buoyed and happy throughout the day.
If you’re experiencing problems with religious issues, planning questions, overzealous, involved parents and other family-related scenarios, take a look at the previous article (conveniently titled “Dialing Down the Drama, Part 1.” Catchy, huh?)
*Kiki Reef is an event planner based in the Chicago area and principal of Kiki Reef Events.
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great post with VERY wise words for all brides – straight or gay.
Most of your advice is spot-on, but I was disappointed in your approach to question 5.
While it’s one thing to remind people of the resources available out there, there’s also something to be said for reminding anyone hung up on weight, teeth or other physical aspects, about this undeniable fact:
Ladies and gentlemen, your wedding is a celebration of the love between you and your partner, and your partner loves you JUST AS YOU ARE.
If you want to use the wedding as an excuse to pamper or motivate yourself, go for it – but don’t lose sight of the fact that you wouldn’t be getting married at all if someone didn’t love you in the skin you’re in. And people who attend aren’t going to be looking at your teeth or your eyebrows or your belly or your rosacea – they’ll be looking at the love between you and your partner.
And who looks at old wedding photos, anyway? Just you, your kids if you have any, maybe the occasional family member or close friend… guess what? Ten, fifteen, twenty years from now, these people still won’t be looking at your teeth or your eyebrows or your belly or your rosacea.
They may, however, make fun of your old-fashioned clothes and hairstyle. And unless you can time travel or predict the future, there’s nothing you can do about that.